christmas confessions

hello december. around our house the thanksgiving pilgrims and indians are gone, the fall pumpkins on the porch got thrown away, the turkey flag got folded nice and neat and put back in its spot. fall is over and its time to move into december. and i have to say that i'm a little disappointed - for two reasons actually. first i really like fall - all the gorgeous color, pumpkins and scarecrows, both my boys have birthdays, halloween, the state fair...all kinds of fun stuff.

and second...i'm sorry to say that since i've gotten a bit older i find myself not so much looking forward to christmas. as a matter of fact last year i caught myself telling someone that my favorite part of christmas is when it's over. what?? i know, i know. i find it hard to believe myself because as a child i always loved christmas. and i still do like the idea of christmas and what it represents and what it celebrates. but as i've gotten older and am now a mom i find that this time of the year becomes just so stressful and so not about what it is suposed to be about. there's just the mad rush to get everything done in such a limited amount of time in addition to the normal, everyday stuff....food to plan, purchase and prepare for holiday parties...attendance at said holiday parties - both work parties and two kiddie parties...gift giving to stress about - the perfect gift for this person or that person, where to get this gift or that...

you get the picture...and really i sound like a whiny little teenager who is mad at her parents because she got a used BMW for her 16th birthday instead of a new one....i really have so many blessings in my life. but it has been bothering me that i've become this person that just doesn't like christmas.

so this year i've decided to take back my christmas! my goal this year is to rediscover the joy of the season. to enjoy it rather than let it run me ragged. to remind myself to be present and to pay attention and not just rush from one thing to the next. to look and listen and truly see and appreciate the stuff going on around me. to have fun and to remember the reason for it all.

and that is where my december daily/journal your christmas album is fitting into all this (i originally wrote about this here and here). it may appear to some that i've just added another project to my to-do list after whining about all the stuff i have to do already during the month of december. point taken. but for me scrapbooking (taking photos and journaling) makes me more present, more mindful of my everyday life and the things that are going on around me. it helps me pay closer attention and focus more on what is important to me and mine.

so for december 2009 i am choosing to be more mindful and to be more present. i am choosing not the let the hustle and bustle of the season make me a big ball of stress and anxiety and make me wish for january. i am choosing to like christmas again!

so here goes...wish me luck...here's to a great christmas 2009!